This is the usual morning conversation with No.4 as my foot hits the bottom stair and he realises I’m out of bed. We find it amusing, it’s our thing. Unfortunately it’s not everyone else’s thing and apparently ‘it’s too loud and irritating’.
What I have found even more irritating is that due to lockdown my house is full of bodies, varying in size and age pretty much 24/7. The house feels full. Not in a loving, life enriching way, just in a ‘everybody is in the way’ way.
I had great expectations for lockdown. I envisaged instigating a new routine free from the constraints of the loathed school run. I would tidy, organise and clean Haversham House to facilitate this new regime. Grumpy husband would have a peaceful work space. The children would rise, breakfast, do their school work, lunch and then go outdoors to exercise and to appreciate the beauty of nature. We would in fact be the U.K.’s answer to the Waltons. I oozed positivity, informing the family we would have the opportunity to reconnect and that we would all come to realise what is important in life.
What I now understand is that Jesus turning water into wine was THE most miraculous thing, ever.
WELCOME to Covid HQ ... Gold commander (aka Grumpy husband, aka Covid Hitler) is on it, like a car bonnet. News bulletins on a hourly basis, dissected regularly with his special advisors (No.1,No.2 and apathetic me). It was all go here, twice daily death figure announcements, random scientific articles and of course serious political commentary. I’ve re named the dining room the ‘Westminster Suite’.
Grumpy husband is ‘AT WORK’ (in the Westminster Suite’), lots of door slamming and mouthed ‘GO AWAY’s’ and ‘SHHHH’s’. If you’re not up for breakfast before he starts work you’re confined to a minute, clutter free area of the kitchen table, the breakfast bar, the garden (if it’s not raining) or your bedroom. Everything from emptying the dishwasher, the fridge door beeping (because somebody left it open) and the washing machine spinning has disturbed him to the extent he had to buy noise cancelling ear phones from a fruity, popular and expensive retailer.
No.1 got a job working from home in customer relations, apparently everyone who complains is called Karen?
No.2, has ensured the nation’s shelves have been stocked with tinned beans and tomatoes, pasta and the ever important loo roll.
No. 3, the family wild card, has viewed the situation as a mathematical equation, school work hours vs Xbox hours. In his defence, he has been up every morning, breakfasted, dressed, school work completed by lunch time with no assistance or interaction from anybody else.
No.4 will be appearing as a contestant on Mastermind. His specialist subject is up for discussion ... Roblox or Skylanders (recently rediscovered). In true intellectual and eccentric style, he will make his appearance on TV in his pyjamas. In his defence he did complete one piece of schoolwork, yes ONE.
I have been at work as usual, well as usual as is usual, as a nurse, in a pandemic. The greatest struggle for me, as a fat, nearly fifty year old has been the requirement to wear PPE, all day. I’ve been seriously hot stuff but not in a good way. The latter is my excuse for bra free, pyjama wearing on my days off.
Tonight’s clap goes out to all of you who have managed to be washed and dressed when the the postman played knock and run.